if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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