Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize