I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize