I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
