Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
