Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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