I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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