I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
