shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
