You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
