Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
