why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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