My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize