my phone needs a breathalizer
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
