Non-Jews are for practice
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize