ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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