I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize