So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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