my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
