Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
