I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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