Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
