We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
