I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
