Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize