I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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