remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
