I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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