You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
