Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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