Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
