if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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