I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
