Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
