If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All the doctor said was why
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
