As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
