i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
