I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
