i dedicated my morning wood to you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
