problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
