Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
