just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
