You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
