I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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