i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
