I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
time to smoke my breakfast
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
