Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
