I love black thongs
this just has baby written all over it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
