Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
