im about as happy as oj after his trial
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
