i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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