Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
