I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
