the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
