Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
