I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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