why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
