Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
