I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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