Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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